Friday, December 12, 2003

Ahhh the Power of Cheese...
A Cedar City [Utah] man is accused of assaulting another man with a block of cheese.

Police said the victim was struck in the face with the cheese Thursday.

They say the assailant was intoxicated at the time. He was charged with misdemeanor intoxication and misdemeanor assault and was booked into the Iron County Jail on $1,100 bail.

or maybe its the power of Utah:
OREM, Utah -- An 18-year-old accused of flashing someone made it easy for police to catch him.

Police say he exposed himself to a woman while he was sitting in his car outside a Wal-Mart store in Orem Monday.

The woman kept calm, got a description of him, took down his license plate number and called police.

Shortly after, the suspect stopped at a gas station and accidentally locked his keys in his car. He called police for help. When they got there, police noticed the car and man matched the description the woman gave them.

Police say when they questioned him, he admitted flashing the woman. He was cited for a misdemeanor.
The George Carlin Bill
Don't these congresscritters have anything better to do than this:
HR 3687:
HR 3687 IH


1st Session

H. R. 3687

To amend section 1464 of title 18, United States Code, to provide for the punishment of certain profane broadcasts, and for other purposes.


December 8, 2003

Mr. OSE (for himself and Mr. SMITH of Texas) introduced the following bill; which was referred to the Committee on the Judiciary


To amend section 1464 of title 18, United States Code, to provide for the punishment of certain profane broadcasts, and for other purposes.

Be it enacted by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America in Congress assembled, That section 1464 of title 18, United States Code, is amended--

(1) by inserting `(a)' before `Whoever'; and

(2) by adding at the end the following:

`(b) As used in this section, the term `profane', used with respect to language, includes the words `shit', `piss', `fuck', `cunt', `asshole', and the phrases `cock sucker', `mother fucker', and `ass hole', compound use (including hyphenated compounds) of such words and phrases with each other or with other words or phrases, and other grammatical forms of such words and phrases (including verb, adjective, gerund, participle, and infinitive forms).'.
Myself is still waiting for someone to say asshat and dicklicker.

Monday, December 08, 2003

Good Food, Good Fun
HOUSTON, Dec. 4 — A Texas woman was sentenced to 10 years in jail Thursday for running over the manager of a McDonald’s with her car because she wanted mayonnaise on her cheeseburger. The woman, Waynetta Nolan, 37, showed no emotion as the sentence was read in court after a trial in which the McDonald’s manager, Sherry Jenkins, said that even though she gave Nolan the mayonnaise she requested, the woman flew into a rage anyway.
“I gave her everything she asked for — mayonnaise, no mustard, onions — everything I could possibly do for this lady. Mayo, mayo, mayo, and it’s still not good enough,” Jenkins told reporters outside the courtroom.
Nolan, who was convicted of aggravated assault for the April 23 incident, became so angry when a McDonald’s employee told her that she could not get mayonnaise that she threw her cheeseburger into the drive-through window, witnesses said.
Jenkins tried to placate her by offering a cheeseburger with mayonnaise, but Nolan continued to make demands until Jenkins finally called police.
When she went outside to write down Nolan’s license plate number, Nolan ran her over, breaking her pelvis.
Nolan testified that she was putting ketchup on her cheeseburger when she accidentally struck Jenkins.
Maybe she should have asked for them to put the ketchup on for her, yah, right.